> it was just that no matter how much I tried I couldn't predict a future where I weren't constantly in agony
That's a great way to put it. I had a few depressive episodes in my life, I know that these thoughts and feelings are symptoms. The inability to feel, even the hopelessness are symptoms of the disease. Usually, I can even pinpoint the cause of the episode. But another symptom is the inability to imagine a state of mind without depression. And no matter how rational you are, it is very difficult to believe in something that you cannot imagine.
That's a great way to put it. I had a few depressive episodes in my life, I know that these thoughts and feelings are symptoms. The inability to feel, even the hopelessness are symptoms of the disease. Usually, I can even pinpoint the cause of the episode. But another symptom is the inability to imagine a state of mind without depression. And no matter how rational you are, it is very difficult to believe in something that you cannot imagine.